Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Anal Spasms

Overheard on a saltmarsh. Well not exactly, there were no stealth-mugging green goblins imploring innocent nymphs to hand over their jewels unless they fancy a little mud wallowing moon-gazing howlerings and lagoon-reflected happy slapping. Overheard in the office is perhaps slightly more prosaic, but a lot closer to the truth.
"Is it exigencies or exingencies?"
"I don't think it's either, I think it's extingencies."
"Hang on, it says here - ex i gen cies - urgent, pressing, requiring immediate action or remedy. Requiring much effort or expense; demanding. "
"Spell it"
"Ahh. Exeeegeny." So it's exeeegencies!

Note to self: It's exigencies - eggs a gents cease, eggs a gents cease. Don't listen to them, they are evil. Remember Edna O'Brien's maxim: never read bad writers, you might end up writing like them. Never listen to bad speakers, you might end up speaking like them she might have added. She didn't, so I did.

*Adopts a Hamlet pose ("Who calls me villain, breaks my pate across, plucks off my beard, and blows it in my face?) and soliloquises: eggs -a-gents-cease, eggs-a-gents-cease, whilst fingers are planted in ears.

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