Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Shooting Fish

Swiveling the passenger sun-visor upwards whilst driving my car the other day - a little less sun recently has resulted in a little less reason to have both sun visors permanently down - I noticed two bullet holes displaying their particular form of filigreed artwork against the glassy canvass of my windscreen.

Bullets holes are not a work of art, no matter how you dress it up. Certainly not. Putting aside their obvious destructiveness to flesh, they aren't to be sought out as fashionable add ons for anything else. There was a time during the tasteless 70s when it was considered that a row of stick on star shaped bullet holes on your car rear window was a bit of a hoot. Toot if you think it's a hoot. It was a kind of cheeky, cheesy reference to the (early) James Bond, Bonny and Clyde, Godfather film period: " Look at me, I've just had the back of my Ford Cortina sprayed with a Tommy-gun - ain't I a hood?

I think these things came free with petrol and those with style deficit disorder couldn't wait to stick em on. Even though they knew they would never have had to 'stick 'em up' for real. But I've got real ones. And they're on my windscreen. How cool is that?

Actually I think - can you feel the bathos - that one of the urchins from the nearby estate has become a bit handy with his dad's BB gun and he's probably been taking pot shots at that nuisance cat who thinks he lives on the roof of my car. I did notice recently that this particular feline has been walking around as if he's had a cap put up his ass - all tentative paw shakings, nervous glances and ponderous sashayings.

Perhaps we're both victims. My ass is fine, but my windscreen has started to gradually fragment like one of those cartoon character's splintering teeth. What started off as a couple of denty,white, scroungy dots with stunted limbs, soon evolved into two prize-winning sized starfish. Both Mr Mog and I had starfish concerns at this stage. But windscreen glass is a fragile, volatile mistress and both my starfishy progeny have grown - spidering out to all four edges making the glass look like it's been used as a glass etching surface for the devil.

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